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How would you handle this situation?

PGen98

Administrator
So I've been somewhat keeping closed off in my few posts so far, not really opening up about myself or why I might have an interest in posting on these forums, so let me start to break that seal just a little bit and ask you all your opinion on something. Let me preface this by saying that I deal with bouts of depression, anxiety and general despair from time to time. I've learned to cope with it and I've constantly got in the back of my mind reasons why I need to stay in the here and now rather than focusing on the bad, the downward slope (this does not work a lot of the times, but at least it's something to focus on). So I've got my 'me' issues (and no, that's nowhere near all of it, I'll try and open up more about the me part of things at another point), but then I've also got my mother.

About five years ago my mother's mental health took went on the decline. It started simple enough, forgetting words, forgetting conversations from a week ago, not remembering the date, things like that. Common things. Then it slowly started to progress to where she'd forgotten where we were and what we were doing while we were out, and then it became a case of forgetting where she lived...and during this same time I was just starting out in a career in programming, got situated with a decent company and was making very good money while just generally building a life, as one does. As that progressed, her memory kept getting worse and soon she was starting to talk about people she hadn't seen in 50+ years like she'd just spoken to them yesterday. Then one night she was out with my sister and I got a call that I needed to come immediately. My mother kept saying she felt like she was going to die and she looked extremely pale. My sister was terrified and had no idea what to do, so she had pulled off into the parking lot of a grocery store that had a strip mall with an urgent care in it, sadly that urgent care was closed. It took me about 20 minutes to get there, and when I did my mother was ashen white, crying and shivering. Fortunately there was a fire truck there with a crew just finishing their break, so we flagged them down immediately and they came right over and checked her out. They called for an ambulance and we followed them round to the hospital. She couldn't answer the doctors' questions, she couldn't remember much of anything, and when pressed for what was ailing her, she just told them she felt like she was going to die and no more than that. They checked her out, determined she was actually suffering from pneumonia and admitted her into the hospital. This was when she went from bad to worse. I decided I wasn't going to let her stay in the hospital alone, because her mind was not in a good place, so I stayed with her, all 4 days she was in there, sleeping on a little seat that was essentially a window ledge and doing my best to keep her calm during the days. Her memory went from bad to practically non-existent, she would wake up at extreme hours in the night to scream at me because she thought the hospital room was her house and I had stolen it from her, she went into the accompanying bathroom because she claimed that was how you went upstairs, didn't turn the light on, and shut herself in it repeatedly. Any time a nurse or doctor would come by she would make outlandish claims about anything and everything, including that I'd assaulted her or that she needed to get home because her kids were being attacked (I'm her youngest). The hospital staff had her meet with a neurologist who confirmed that she had all of the symptoms of dementia, and that it was likely only going to get worse from here. One night in the hospital she got up, sat on the little mattress I slept on and yanked out the IV that was in her hand, bleeding all over the mattress, the sheets the staff had given me, my clean clothes that I'd had my sister bring for me and I ran out into the hallway to fetch the nearest nurse, who immediately brought in about 4 other nurses and within a couple of minutes she had her wound treated and bandaged and a new IV in place. It was great the staff were so attentive, they made it easier to deal with the stress that is dealing with her.

After her hospitalization she started getting up at all hours of the night and going for the front door like she needed to get out. On two separate occasions she did indeed get out and I had to go hunting for her in my car, that was a terrifying experience! After that we switched to locks on the front door that require a key to open whether entering or exiting, and she began to get upset with that, pounding away on the door demanding to get out at all hours of the day and night. It became obvious that she needed someone with her full time. So, I decided to quit my job, live with her full time, and tend to her needs as her caregiver, and that's what I've been doing for more or less 5 years now. I got certified and signed with an agency back in October of 2020, not knowing that was a thing before then, so I earn a small paycheck (and it is indeed a small paycheck, of which most of it is spent on her needs) and we're supposed to be getting access to additional resources to help with her care, but that seems to be a slower priority with all that's going on in the world at the moment, so it's basically just me. My dad works full time, my sister works full time and then some, so I push on. It's stressful, I have many down periods where I don't want to be here doing this, and I'll openly admit that in five years I've had no relationships because I simply don't have the ability to be a part of one at this point in time, and I can tell you that this is also affecting me mentally, as I feel that is something I need in my life. I'm not talking about sex, though I'd be lying if I said a physical relationship wouldn't be a benefit in times like these, but I mean a partner, a real partner. Someone to talk to, put my stress on, and take her stresses away from her, a proper mutual partnership where we work together for the benefit of each other, or just sit together on the couch, holding one another and knowing it would all be ok with a bit of time...I really would love that in my life, but it's impractical. At any rate, this isn't meant to be about me, this is meant to be about my mother.

That brings me to now. Recently she's begun to...I don't even know if it's forgetting to go, deliberately not going, feeling too scared to ask to go or what it is that's causing this, but she's going to the toilet in her underwear, both urinating and defecating, after which she needs to be bathed and cleaned. She will not let me assist her in this process, so I have to wait until my sister is around, or until my sister's friend, who knows a good deal about dementia and dementia patients, and one of them will give her a bath, clean her up and get her dressed in clean clothes. I understand her apprehension towards myself or another male helping her in that department, so I won't force the issue in any way, but it's also not right that my sister or her friend should have to deal with that, either. Her dementia has progressed over time, so much so her behaviour is erratic. We'll often find random pieces of paper or rubbish tucked down the sides of couches or food shoved under cushions or in her pockets, she'll start talking about one subject and finish by jumbling some words together, and she's so very quick to anger. The slightest thing will set her off, and when that happens she's off pacing around the house, pulling on doors, walking out in the back garden trying to get out, cursing the very sight of whomever she sees, whether they were involved in whatever set her off or not. I know it's because she's scared and frightened and doesn't understand what is happening or what she is actually doing, but it is becoming very hard to deal with. Five years of this is becoming truly overwhelming, but I don't regret my decision to quit and look after her, I don't feel one ounce of guilt for giving up on a career that could have seen me blissfully ignorant of what was going on with her while I was sitting pretty making good money and living life. I made the natural choice, she's my mother, she raised me, I need to be doing this now that she needs me. However...in the time I've been dealing with her, looking after her and making sure she's ok, I've been doing less and less well myself. Not just mentally, though this is very very much a factor, but also physically. I'll get into that at another time, but I have a plethora of ailments that keeps me busy. It's all adding up to become extremely taxing, I feel my self restraint getting thinner and thinner, my anger getting quicker and quicker to rise, and my level of despair and hopelessness peaking more and more. I want to be here, I want to keep doing this, it's my mother and I need to know she's getting the best treatment, but I need help and I recognize that.

So here is the point of this thread and the reason for me making it. What is the solution here, ideally? I know most would say "put her in a care facility, they're trained to handle patients just like her." That does indeed sound like the sensible solution; however, here's why that is my greatest fear -- My mother was born and then immediately placed into a children's home (a Barnardo's home for those that are familiar with them), so she grew up feeling unwanted, feeling abandoned and having to make her own life. She did, and she's had a very good life since those days, but now that she's starting to mentally regress back to those days (she often says she has to get "home" referring to the home she grew up in, and talking about the people who used to take care of her or that she used to be friends with back then, as if they were with her just moments ago), all of the stories have come flooding back. Her heartbreak when her mother would call and say she was coming to pick her up, only to have her sit there with her suitcase all day and never bother to turn up. Her love for the woman that raised her, but her resentment for another staff member who used to be very strict and very mean with the children. It has now all come back to the forefront of her mind, and so for me, the thought of place her into a care facility now that she's reaching her twilight years seems incredibly cruel to me. I don't want her to finish her days in a home, as she started them. What if she ends up sitting by the door waiting for her mother to come and get her again? That thought alone absolutely guts me, I want her to be happy, but I know as well that all of this is becoming overwhelming. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, but I've long since past my level of applicable knowledge.

So I feel I have to ask, if you were in my situation, how would you handle this? Put her in a day care facility? Put her in a full time care facility, irrespective of how it makes me feel or may make her feel? Keep doing what I'm doing now? I only want what's best for her, and I'm beyond willing to spend my days looking after her, but I don't know if I'm the right option for her at this stage...so let's see what your thoughts are on how to handle this sort of a situation.
 
Hello @PGen98

This is really heartbreaking to read, It has brought a tear to my eye. I wouldn't like to be in your situation. I admire you for taking so much on when you also had a life of your own.

I completely understand your fears of placing your mother in a care facility but it sounds like the time has come for that to happen, You have done all you can do for her.

I thank you for opening up to us, I know it must have been really difficult to share and I hope that you feel better telling us.
 
Wow what a hectic years you have behind you.
I can only commend you on what you did.

Its easy for me to read all of this and form my opinions. But I can not make a choice for you. But reading all of this made me remember a part of my life where I felt like a caregiver.
You put all of yourself on a back burner. And its not that it means everything you are and you struggle with is on hold. No it will get worse without you noticing.
Have you talked this over with your father and your sister? What would your mother herself say to it? I know if I told my mum that I would drop everything and care for her she would not want me to. I can hear her say: find your own way. Your joy and fortune.

I think its in no way selfish to choose for yourself now.
Thank you so much for sharing.
 
Wow what a hectic years you have behind you.
I can only commend you on what you did.

Its easy for me to read all of this and form my opinions. But I can not make a choice for you. But reading all of this made me remember a part of my life where I felt like a caregiver.
You put all of yourself on a back burner. And its not that it means everything you are and you struggle with is on hold. No it will get worse without you noticing.
Have you talked this over with your father and your sister? What would your mother herself say to it? I know if I told my mum that I would drop everything and care for her she would not want me to. I can hear her say: find your own way. Your joy and fortune.

I think its in no way selfish to choose for yourself now.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you all for the responses, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read that and share your thoughts :)

You're absolutely right that if I don't also tend to myself then my own problems will overwhelm me, as well. I am attempting to look after myself, too, but it is quite difficult. Today, for instance, I have an appointment with a wound care doctor because my legs have persistent infections that clear up and come right back, resulting in wounds that need treatment. Today's appointment is simply removing a soft compression cast I have on, treating the leg with a special ointment they have, and then coming home to put my leg back into my own compression wraps that I have. Very simple appointment that should take little time at all; however, because it's for me and I can't take her with me, I have to inconvenience my father, who is working from home, by having him take time off of his work to look after her while I go. So I often feel like my own appointments are an inconvenience, making it more difficult for me to look after me and my issues. That's one of the balance issues I've never really figured out, and so I only goto appointments that I absolutely need to goto, which has strained some relationships with some of my doctors. That's just one area, so I absolutely understand that there needs to be a balancing act so I can tend to my own issues, but my mind is so singularly focused on her most of the time the me issues just fade into non-importance for me.

I have talked to my father and sister about this, but there's no reasonable solution on their part, sadly. Both of them need to work their jobs, understandably, and they're both presently working extreme hours at their jobs to pick up the slack the Covid has caused over the past year and a bit. So they understand my frustrations, but they cannot step away from their responsibilities to help, and I understand that. They are essentially leaving the decisions about her, big and small, to me because I'm the one with her all of the time. I understand that, to an extent, but it doesn't make the process of making those decisions any easier. As far as what she would want if she were still her, I like to think she would understand why I'm doing what I'm doing and would be happy that someone thought about her needs; however, I do understand that there's that chance she'd be disappointed I'm not pursuing my life, my goals and my ambitions. It's one of those situations where I want to do the right thing for her, but I'm also increasingly aware of the fact that I'm going to need that help, so...yeah...as much as I hate the idea of putting her in a place like that, I'm sort of running out of alternatives, so it does somewhat feel like an inevitability.

I thank you all so much again for reading and responding, it means a great deal to me!
 
Once again I am an outsider. And I dont mean this to be harsh. But do you value yourself so low? And do the rest of the family take you for granted?

You say there there is no reasonable solution on their part, sadly. You understand what they have to do for work. And they can not step away from there responsibility.

You have given up your career so that your father and sister could keep theirs. How about getting someone in one or two days a week to care for your mother? So you have one day to yourself. For appointments. But also just to have a break.

You have to inconvenience your father so you can go to an appointment. Its his wife. For better or worse till death do us part. I am sure he can look after her for a few hours while you take care of yourself. I am asking again do you matter so little to the family?

And why are they leaving the decision to you? Does that not belong with the father? I think there is a lot of moving responsibilities on that end.
I normally never react in such a manner. If I am honost I am shaking even to send this. Its my disorders making it hard for me. But I react this way because I see a young man that is struggling. And doing his best to care for his mother. But losing himself in the process. And with little to no backing from the family.


As far as what she would want if she were still her

This says a lot. From what I have read and from what I have been reading between the lines is that if she were her for a moment she would tell you how caring you have been. A truly great and loving son. But she is losing herself and the way this is going she is dragging you with her. And thats not what she would have wanted.

Please take yourself into consideration a bit more. And with a bit I mean a lot more. If you do that and you decide you want to keep going like this then thats ok. But dont do it out of guilt towards your family or your mother. Your mother would not want it.
 
Once again I am an outsider. And I dont mean this to be harsh. But do you value yourself so low? And do the rest of the family take you for granted?

You say there there is no reasonable solution on their part, sadly. You understand what they have to do for work. And they can not step away from there responsibility.

You have given up your career so that your father and sister could keep theirs. How about getting someone in one or two days a week to care for your mother? So you have one day to yourself. For appointments. But also just to have a break.

You have to inconvenience your father so you can go to an appointment. Its his wife. For better or worse till death do us part. I am sure he can look after her for a few hours while you take care of yourself. I am asking again do you matter so little to the family?

And why are they leaving the decision to you? Does that not belong with the father? I think there is a lot of moving responsibilities on that end.

I normally never react in such a manner. If I am honost I am shaking even to send this. Its my disorders making it hard for me. But I react this way because I see a young man that is struggling. And doing his best to care for his mother. But losing himself in the process. And with little to no backing from the family.




This says a lot. From what I have read and from what I have been reading between the lines is that if she were her for a moment she would tell you how caring you have been. A truly great and loving son. But she is losing herself and the way this is going she is dragging you with her. And thats not what she would have wanted.

Please take yourself into consideration a bit more. And with a bit I mean a lot more. If you do that and you decide you want to keep going like this then thats ok. But dont do it out of guilt towards your family or your mother. Your mother would not want it.
This is exactly what I was going to say, You beat me to it.

It should be a family decision. How does your father feel about it all? I am sorry that you're going through all this. Putting your career on hold to care for your mother shows how much of a great person you are.
 
Once again I am an outsider. And I dont mean this to be harsh. But do you value yourself so low? And do the rest of the family take you for granted?

You say there there is no reasonable solution on their part, sadly. You understand what they have to do for work. And they can not step away from there responsibility.

You have given up your career so that your father and sister could keep theirs. How about getting someone in one or two days a week to care for your mother? So you have one day to yourself. For appointments. But also just to have a break.

You have to inconvenience your father so you can go to an appointment. Its his wife. For better or worse till death do us part. I am sure he can look after her for a few hours while you take care of yourself. I am asking again do you matter so little to the family?

And why are they leaving the decision to you? Does that not belong with the father? I think there is a lot of moving responsibilities on that end.
I normally never react in such a manner. If I am honost I am shaking even to send this. Its my disorders making it hard for me. But I react this way because I see a young man that is struggling. And doing his best to care for his mother. But losing himself in the process. And with little to no backing from the family.




This says a lot. From what I have read and from what I have been reading between the lines is that if she were her for a moment she would tell you how caring you have been. A truly great and loving son. But she is losing herself and the way this is going she is dragging you with her. And thats not what she would have wanted.

Please take yourself into consideration a bit more. And with a bit I mean a lot more. If you do that and you decide you want to keep going like this then thats ok. But dont do it out of guilt towards your family or your mother. Your mother would not want it.

I do actually have a lot of self worth issues, and a lot of it coincidentally stems from my mother when I was younger. I'll try and sit down and explain a bit more about that at another time, but it stems from my mother having a horrible relationship with my father, them splitting up for a number of years, her feeling that all men are disgusting pigs because of that bad relationship, and me being left to feel that, because I was male, I was wholly inadequate. Even told me on more than one occasion that she wished I'd been born a girl, so she didn't have to raise another pig in this world...made me hate being male, hate myself, and hate men in general for a good while, and gave me a bit of an envious complex about women, too, sabotaged my first few relationships because of it, hoping I wouldn't end up hurting the girl I was with because I wasn't good enough for her. I'd say it gave me a bit of gender dysphoria, too, because I spent a lot of time when I was younger wishing I was a girl, but not for the purposes of actually being female and feminine, more for not being male, so maybe not genuine dysphoria so much as just...not wanting to be me. At any rate, that's a subject for another time, the main point being that yeah, I do have some self worth issues and yeah, maybe that's colouring my judgement here.

What matters most to me is making sure my mother has the best possible care. I feel like I'm doing a borderline adequate job of that right now, but I'm starting to struggle with it and starting to get truly overwhelmed. I know inevitably I'm going to have to seek out these facilities I dislike so much, and that's got me very worried, I just don't know if it's something I need to look at right now, or something that can wait as I keep doing things here.

As far as my father and sister are concerned, and why decisions are being left to me, that steps more from the fact I tend to be the more level-headed person of the group. My father, as mentioned above, was out of the picture for a good while and while he's more mellow now, he was not a good person for my mother or for us to be around. She went back to him because, as a financial provider, he made really good money, but he is not smart with money and is prone to lying about his actions. So when she came back to him, I took over looking after the family finances and, all these years later, I still do! A lot of that has resulted in me making decisions for "us" over the years and so now this has become another situation where they feel more comfortable letting me handle it than jumping in and making decisions as a family. I know this is another area that I need to expand on to properly explain, and one of these days I will, we're a very...odd...family unit that really shouldn't be together, honestly, but we make do.

I can see your point about her potentially dragging me with her as she falls farther and farther into this, and I agree, but as I said, I really feel like the right thing is to look after her as best as I can. I know it's going to wind up with inevitably having to look into a care facility, but I want to hold off as long as possible, because it still sits as a cruel thing to do in my mind, given how she started her life. If I can keep her here, at home, safe and sound, even at the expense of my own ambitions, I'm happier doing that than feeling the regret of putting her in a facility so I can selfishly pursue my own career, etc. That's where I lack the real objectivity and why I need to find a way to gain some perspective and know when the time is right to make that decision. Very, very difficult thing to do, sadly.

This is exactly what I was going to say, You beat me to it.

It should be a family decision. How does your father feel about it all? I am sorry that you're going through all this. Putting your career on hold to care for your mother shows how much of a great person you are.
To me it was a perfectly natural thing to do, and I'm still happy to do so, as long as it keeps her safe and at home.
 
I do actually have a lot of self worth issues, and a lot of it coincidentally stems from my mother when I was younger. I'll try and sit down and explain a bit more about that at another time, but it stems from my mother having a horrible relationship with my father, them splitting up for a number of years, her feeling that all men are disgusting pigs because of that bad relationship, and me being left to feel that, because I was male, I was wholly inadequate. Even told me on more than one occasion that she wished I'd been born a girl, so she didn't have to raise another pig in this world...made me hate being male, hate myself, and hate men in general for a good while, and gave me a bit of an envious complex about women, too, sabotaged my first few relationships because of it, hoping I wouldn't end up hurting the girl I was with because I wasn't good enough for her. I'd say it gave me a bit of gender dysphoria, too, because I spent a lot of time when I was younger wishing I was a girl, but not for the purposes of actually being female and feminine, more for not being male, so maybe not genuine dysphoria so much as just...not wanting to be me. At any rate, that's a subject for another time, the main point being that yeah, I do have some self worth issues and yeah, maybe that's colouring my judgement here.

What matters most to me is making sure my mother has the best possible care. I feel like I'm doing a borderline adequate job of that right now, but I'm starting to struggle with it and starting to get truly overwhelmed. I know inevitably I'm going to have to seek out these facilities I dislike so much, and that's got me very worried, I just don't know if it's something I need to look at right now, or something that can wait as I keep doing things here.

As far as my father and sister are concerned, and why decisions are being left to me, that steps more from the fact I tend to be the more level-headed person of the group. My father, as mentioned above, was out of the picture for a good while and while he's more mellow now, he was not a good person for my mother or for us to be around. She went back to him because, as a financial provider, he made really good money, but he is not smart with money and is prone to lying about his actions. So when she came back to him, I took over looking after the family finances and, all these years later, I still do! A lot of that has resulted in me making decisions for "us" over the years and so now this has become another situation where they feel more comfortable letting me handle it than jumping in and making decisions as a family. I know this is another area that I need to expand on to properly explain, and one of these days I will, we're a very...odd...family unit that really shouldn't be together, honestly, but we make do.

I can see your point about her potentially dragging me with her as she falls farther and farther into this, and I agree, but as I said, I really feel like the right thing is to look after her as best as I can. I know it's going to wind up with inevitably having to look into a care facility, but I want to hold off as long as possible, because it still sits as a cruel thing to do in my mind, given how she started her life. If I can keep her here, at home, safe and sound, even at the expense of my own ambitions, I'm happier doing that than feeling the regret of putting her in a facility so I can selfishly pursue my own career, etc. That's where I lack the real objectivity and why I need to find a way to gain some perspective and know when the time is right to make that decision. Very, very difficult thing to do, sadly.


To me it was a perfectly natural thing to do, and I'm still happy to do so, as long as it keeps her safe and at home.
I admire you and I hope that your father and sister appreciate what you have done.
 
I appreciate that, thank you, and yes, I know that my sister at least does understand and appreciate it. We have a good relationship, she just has an awful lot on her plate at this point in time.
 
I have to admit that today I am struggling. Deeply.

My mother has just had an assessment done to measure where she is in terms of cognitive ability and progression of dementia. Now, I'm not stupid, I know she's well down the road and I've known that for a good while, but she scored a 5/30, that's Advanced, and not even marginal, it's deep into the advanced category. In talking to the person doing the assessment, who came from a local hospice, she said that she'd never seen anyone this advanced still living at home, and that at this stage there really is not much more they can do in terms of medication or help to slow the progression. Now, as I said, I'm fairly positive I knew all of this before she arrived, but there's just something so gut-wrenching and brutal about hearing from someone so well versed in dementia that it has me really hurting right now. I feel like someone just hit me in the face with a hammer, the realization that she really is this bad. Slowly but surely I'm losing my mother, a piece at a time, until, personality wise, she will be gone, and then physically she will be gone. I've known my mother wasn't going to magically "wake up" from this and be normal, but now that I've heard it from someone else...I just...I hurt. I hurt badly.

Sorry to ramble, and sorry that I'm taking a thread about my mother and making it about me again, but...I really needed to post this.
 
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I have to admit that today I am struggling. Deeply.

My mother has just had an assessment done to measure where she is in terms of cognitive ability and progression of dementia. Now, I'm not stupid, I know she's well down the road and I've known that for a good while, but she scored a 5/30, that's Advanced, and not even marginal, it's deep into the advanced category. In talking to the person doing the assessment, who came from a local hospice, she said that she'd never seen anyone this advanced still living at home, and that at this stage there really is not much more they can do in terms of medication or help to slow the progression. Now, as I said, I'm fairly positive I knew all of this before she arrived, but there's just something so gut-wrenching and brutal about hearing from someone so well versed in dementia that has be really hurting right now. I feel like someone just hit me in the face with a hammer, the realization that she really is this bad. Slowly but surely I'm losing my mother, a piece at a time, until, personality wise, she will be gone, and then physically she will be gone. I've known my mother wasn't going to magically "wake up" from this and be normal, but now that I've heard it from someone else...I just...I hurt. I hurt badly.

Sorry to ramble, and sorry that I'm taking a thread about my mother and making it about me again, but...I really needed to post this.
i am so sorry, PGen, please know that you are a amazing son to your mum and have done everything you can, much more than some people would do :hugs:

Her dementia is not your fault :hugs:
 
I have to admit that today I am struggling. Deeply.

My mother has just had an assessment done to measure where she is in terms of cognitive ability and progression of dementia. Now, I'm not stupid, I know she's well down the road and I've known that for a good while, but she scored a 5/30, that's Advanced, and not even marginal, it's deep into the advanced category. In talking to the person doing the assessment, who came from a local hospice, she said that she'd never seen anyone this advanced still living at home, and that at this stage there really is not much more they can do in terms of medication or help to slow the progression. Now, as I said, I'm fairly positive I knew all of this before she arrived, but there's just something so gut-wrenching and brutal about hearing from someone so well versed in dementia that has be really hurting right now. I feel like someone just hit me in the face with a hammer, the realization that she really is this bad. Slowly but surely I'm losing my mother, a piece at a time, until, personality wise, she will be gone, and then physically she will be gone. I've known my mother wasn't going to magically "wake up" from this and be normal, but now that I've heard it from someone else...I just...I hurt. I hurt badly.

Sorry to ramble, and sorry that I'm taking a thread about my mother and making it about me again, but...I really needed to post this.
I am so sorry @PGen98 It must be very hard for you and your family to watch. Dementia is a horrible disease. Do you think it's time to let services now care for your mother?
 
i am so sorry, PGen, please know that you are a amazing son to your mum and have done everything you can, much more than some people would do :hugs:

Her dementia is not your fault :hugs:

Thanks willowtigger, I appreciate that, I really do :hugs1

I am so sorry @PGen98 It must be very hard for you and your family to watch. Dementia is a horrible disease. Do you think it's time to let services now care for your mother?

Thanks Catsmother, it's absolutely been difficult to watch her decline over all of this time. I still don't know the answer to that, honestly. I know what it should be, logically, but it's the most difficult decision to make. I want her to be in the best possible situation for her, and it's getting harder and harder to justify that situation being with me.
 
Thanks willowtigger, I appreciate that, I really do :hugs1



Thanks Catsmother, it's absolutely been difficult to watch her decline over all of this time. I still don't know the answer to that, honestly. I know what it should be, logically, but it's the most difficult decision to make. I want her to be in the best possible situation for her, and it's getting harder and harder to justify that situation being with me.
I can imagine on how hard it must be. I can tell that you want what is best for her.
 
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