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Personal Story They keep hurting me

Back when I was 25 I came out to my family and it was difficult, there were arguments at times I wasn’t safe so had to call the police and one day my mum decided to out me to the rest of my family including my cousins, I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my father ever since but when my mum died I went down and even moved closer in temporary accommodation and it cost us thousands and I had to live between two places and out of bags, three weeks after burying mum he found someone else, he changed and started treating me badly well more badly then usual. First I went down to see them and travelled 600 miles on my own and I booked a hotel to stay nearby for 3 days and in those three days I saw him for an hour and he left.

He came up to stay and we gave him money so he could stay for a week, we barely saw him and then he cut the trip short saying he wasn’t well, but he was well enough to come to my home and take away our 40 inch tv so he could have it for his home.

Fast forward to, today “oh by the way your cousin has cancer, do you have her mums phone number” it really upset me for reasons I won’t go in to but said cousin who I cared about, stopped caring about me when I came out and I’m dead to them and my second cousins who I’ve not seen wince they babies, they don’t know. I was cut out of their lives for being a lesbian so why should I care anymore.

My cousin has the audacity to show her mug at my mums funeral, she wouldn’t even look at me or speak to me she just ghosted me despite being stood right in front of her. Maybe 🤔 I’m a bad person but I sent care about her for what she did to me at my mums funeral and I’m this close to saying to dad screw you I don’t want to know you anymore because you only care about yourself.

It’s just depleted my mood and each time he does it. It hurts. He knows about my diagnosis for autism he just said he has got old man syndrome, that’s how much sympathy he has for anyone.