Hi everyone, I have something I have to get out....another event.
I can say that life has pretty much sucked for me, like trying to walk around in wet cement and if asked if I'd do it all again I'd say hell no everytime.
My wife surprised me a couple months ago by agreeing to foster two 5 day old puppies for about 8 weeks. I don't like these kind of surprises so I told her it would all be on her which I knew it wouldn't be hence me not liking it. She lasted 2 weeks before the sleep deprivation caved her and I took over, bottle feeding them every 2-4 hours, cleaning up their tent, ect.
They were rescues out in the wilderness and have different fathers. Matter of fact they could not be more opposite, I called them my ying and yang. The male is clumsy and slow and a bit lazy while she is agile and fast and energetic. We adopted the male from the rescue because the wife and son wanted him and he is adorable. The female has the look of a dog that I wouldn't even give a second look to, just not my type.
Wow was I wrong. We formed some special connection/bond that I've never had/felt before with any of the dogs I've had over my life....5 I think. After many weeks passed my wife and son sat me down and told me that the pups have had a positive impact on me because I was acting different in a good way. I agreed, I felt a peace inside me and a calm, different positive feelings because of them, mainly her. I thought that this must be what people who have emotional support dogs feel because I never understood the emotional support animal thing....wow!
Things were getting better with is all around day by day....it was weird and awesome. This little precious darling has been a changing me. I love her so much I can't stand it
After suffering pretty near every day for so long we were stringing together weeks of.......what.....normal? She means the world to me. I told the rescue woman twice in long messages begging them to let me adopt her, what my life had been like and on and on, lots of personal stuff. I never got any kind of response as to why I couldn't adopt her. At this point mouths getting dry, heart rate up, anxiety rising, panicking, feeling like I'm losing the most important thing in my life and that I will die without it. Yes, over a dog.
Yesterday, they told me she had been adopted.
I literally hit the floor crying uncontrollably. And that's how it's been since yesterday. Yesterday they also gave me the reason why they didn't let me adopt her........ She wouldn't be able to reach her full potential living with me. It is ripping my heart out. I know time will take care of that. I told her that being a disabled veteran myself I know from experience that we are often the red headed step child when it comes to being recognized, we gladly take the back seat to most everything. And now, even the pups are before us.
And then I exploded. She knew what she was taking away from me and she wouldn't even acknowledge any of the things I told her about me. She said it's ALL about the dog, not the owner/parent.
I feel so insignificant.....what a heartless thing to say.
I'm completely hollowed out...a shell. My sweet love is gone and they've done everything they could to make it so I'll never find her.
Thanks for letting me post this. Feels like she died.
I can say that life has pretty much sucked for me, like trying to walk around in wet cement and if asked if I'd do it all again I'd say hell no everytime.
My wife surprised me a couple months ago by agreeing to foster two 5 day old puppies for about 8 weeks. I don't like these kind of surprises so I told her it would all be on her which I knew it wouldn't be hence me not liking it. She lasted 2 weeks before the sleep deprivation caved her and I took over, bottle feeding them every 2-4 hours, cleaning up their tent, ect.
They were rescues out in the wilderness and have different fathers. Matter of fact they could not be more opposite, I called them my ying and yang. The male is clumsy and slow and a bit lazy while she is agile and fast and energetic. We adopted the male from the rescue because the wife and son wanted him and he is adorable. The female has the look of a dog that I wouldn't even give a second look to, just not my type.
Wow was I wrong. We formed some special connection/bond that I've never had/felt before with any of the dogs I've had over my life....5 I think. After many weeks passed my wife and son sat me down and told me that the pups have had a positive impact on me because I was acting different in a good way. I agreed, I felt a peace inside me and a calm, different positive feelings because of them, mainly her. I thought that this must be what people who have emotional support dogs feel because I never understood the emotional support animal thing....wow!
Things were getting better with is all around day by day....it was weird and awesome. This little precious darling has been a changing me. I love her so much I can't stand it
After suffering pretty near every day for so long we were stringing together weeks of.......what.....normal? She means the world to me. I told the rescue woman twice in long messages begging them to let me adopt her, what my life had been like and on and on, lots of personal stuff. I never got any kind of response as to why I couldn't adopt her. At this point mouths getting dry, heart rate up, anxiety rising, panicking, feeling like I'm losing the most important thing in my life and that I will die without it. Yes, over a dog.
Yesterday, they told me she had been adopted.
I literally hit the floor crying uncontrollably. And that's how it's been since yesterday. Yesterday they also gave me the reason why they didn't let me adopt her........ She wouldn't be able to reach her full potential living with me. It is ripping my heart out. I know time will take care of that. I told her that being a disabled veteran myself I know from experience that we are often the red headed step child when it comes to being recognized, we gladly take the back seat to most everything. And now, even the pups are before us.
And then I exploded. She knew what she was taking away from me and she wouldn't even acknowledge any of the things I told her about me. She said it's ALL about the dog, not the owner/parent.
I feel so insignificant.....what a heartless thing to say.
I'm completely hollowed out...a shell. My sweet love is gone and they've done everything they could to make it so I'll never find her.
Thanks for letting me post this. Feels like she died.