Azreddeye60

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Hi everyone, I have something I have to get out....another event.
I can say that life has pretty much sucked for me, like trying to walk around in wet cement and if asked if I'd do it all again I'd say hell no everytime.
My wife surprised me a couple months ago by agreeing to foster two 5 day old puppies for about 8 weeks. I don't like these kind of surprises so I told her it would all be on her which I knew it wouldn't be hence me not liking it. She lasted 2 weeks before the sleep deprivation caved her and I took over, bottle feeding them every 2-4 hours, cleaning up their tent, ect.
They were rescues out in the wilderness and have different fathers. Matter of fact they could not be more opposite, I called them my ying and yang. The male is clumsy and slow and a bit lazy while she is agile and fast and energetic. We adopted the male from the rescue because the wife and son wanted him and he is adorable. The female has the look of a dog that I wouldn't even give a second look to, just not my type.
Wow was I wrong. We formed some special connection/bond that I've never had/felt before with any of the dogs I've had over my life....5 I think. After many weeks passed my wife and son sat me down and told me that the pups have had a positive impact on me because I was acting different in a good way. I agreed, I felt a peace inside me and a calm, different positive feelings because of them, mainly her. I thought that this must be what people who have emotional support dogs feel because I never understood the emotional support animal thing....wow!
Things were getting better with is all around day by day....it was weird and awesome. This little precious darling has been a changing me. I love her so much I can't stand it😭😭
After suffering pretty near every day for so long we were stringing together weeks of.......what.....normal? She means the world to me. I told the rescue woman twice in long messages begging them to let me adopt her, what my life had been like and on and on, lots of personal stuff. I never got any kind of response as to why I couldn't adopt her. At this point mouths getting dry, heart rate up, anxiety rising, panicking, feeling like I'm losing the most important thing in my life and that I will die without it. Yes, over a dog.
Yesterday, they told me she had been adopted.
I literally hit the floor crying uncontrollably. And that's how it's been since yesterday. Yesterday they also gave me the reason why they didn't let me adopt her........ She wouldn't be able to reach her full potential living with me. It is ripping my heart out. I know time will take care of that. I told her that being a disabled veteran myself I know from experience that we are often the red headed step child when it comes to being recognized, we gladly take the back seat to most everything. And now, even the pups are before us.
And then I exploded. She knew what she was taking away from me and she wouldn't even acknowledge any of the things I told her about me. She said it's ALL about the dog, not the owner/parent.
I feel so insignificant.....what a heartless thing to say.
I'm completely hollowed out...a shell. My sweet love is gone and they've done everything they could to make it so I'll never find her.
Thanks for letting me post this. Feels like she died.
 

Catsmother

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Sorry to hear about the dog and you not being able to adopt, I know that you didn't have the dog for long but maybe hold on to the good memories that you had in your time together.

It was a heartless for her to give you a silly reason.
 

Nilla

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I'm so sorry. If it is any console, my mother once surprised my siblings and I with the most beautiful dog I had ever laid eyes on. Her name was Shana. She was a lucky grab because my mom got her from the shelter. I haven't really ever had a close bond with dogs like I do cats. However, Shana was an exception. I loved her. She touched my heart like no other dog did. I don't know what it was. Like you and your dog, we just bonded.

My parents and siblings eventually got bored with her and frustrated because she would keep going the bathroom in the house and all she would do is lay around and sleep. I think she was depressed and wasn't given much attention in her previous home. I never gave up on her; I'd take her for walks, try to train her to go outside, I brushed her and gave all the love and affection I could. She was my wolf. While I was away from home at one point, my mother called me and told me that she got rid of Shana. I never got to say goodbye. She told me that she got rid of her because of "allergies". I had a dream of her a few weeks ago actually, when I was hugging her close and I could smell her scent, feel her fur and I heard her breathing. It was so real. I have also had several other dreams about her but nowhere near as wonderful as that one. Perhaps it was her way of telling me that she is happy and she misses me. I think of her now and then and I tear up because she meant the absolute world to me. So I can definitely relate to you on that one.

Time can heal wounds, but it cannot take the scars away. It is hard losing something so close to you, especially if it is your own animal. Your family. The only advice I can offer you is that even though it seems like you are going through hell, just remember her and keep those memories alive. You know she is with you in your heart and with dogs being dogs, they want their owners to be happy. :)

I hope everything turns around for you. We're here to support you.
 
Z

ZandraJoi

I definitely feel for you. I’m an animal lover so I understand your saying “Yes, over a dog.”
That is one of the reasons, as much as we want to support shelters, we don’t. They have all these rules & hoops you have to jump thru.
This one will be hard. But please, try to take that step back & think of all the good you did for her. That she became a good, adoptable dog. That is wonderful!! Put those good thoughts in what I call a “bubble”. Refer to them anytime you need to. Know that you did good in fostering.
Also most importantly, please know You Did Nothing Wrong!
We’ve been there, done that so I REALLY! feel what you are feeling.
 
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