Sick of it all

[Eagleheart]

I'm so sick of my life.
Every day I deny myself food. I don't eat the food I want to eat.
Every day I deny myself all of the cigarettes I want to smoke.
Every day I deny myself the alcohol I want to drink.
My whole life is run by denying myself of the enjoyable things.
And I am sick to death of living like this.
I don't enjoy life. Not one bit.
So what's the point of all this denial? Is it making me happy?? NO.
I'm always punishing myself. I hate it.

 

[Catsmother]

I'm so sick of my life.
Every day I deny myself food. I don't eat the food I want to eat.
Every day I deny myself all of the cigarettes I want to smoke.
Every day I deny myself the alcohol I want to drink.
My whole life is run by denying myself of the enjoyable things.
And I am sick to death of living like this.
I don't enjoy life. Not one bit.
So what's the point of all this denial? Is it making me happy?? NO.
I'm always punishing myself. I hate it.

What is making you not eating and the rest?

I know what it's like to deny yourself stuff, Food is very important and you shouldn't deny yourself it.

 

[Eagleheart]

Thanks for your reply [mention]Catsmother[/mention]
I think I constantly deny myself good food because food was the only way that mother showed me any kind of maternal love. She treated me so badly and wanted to isolate me from getting my own life. So I rejected food because it was something I could control. Also, I was terribly bullied for being a chubby kid and it's scarred me for life. My sister used to belittle me so badly. I had no confidence at all. Tbh, my mother and sister actively worked to destroy me as much as possible. I only started to develop some confidence when my husband came into my life and rescued me. He says I was like Cinderella living with her horrible family. He made me feel good about myself for the first time. But I've never been able to stop punishing myself and I'm 50 years old so I doubt I can change.

 

[Pitszal]

I'm so sick of my life.
Every day I deny myself food. I don't eat the food I want to eat.
Every day I deny myself all of the cigarettes I want to smoke.
Every day I deny myself the alcohol I want to drink.
My whole life is run by denying myself of the enjoyable things.
And I am sick to death of living like this.
I don't enjoy life. Not one bit.
So what's the point of all this denial? Is it making me happy?? NO.
I'm always punishing myself. I hate it.

What is making you not eating and the rest?

I know what it's like to deny yourself stuff, Food is very important and you shouldn't deny yourself it.

Eagleheart
"Every day I deny myself all of the cigarettes I want to smoke. Think of it as your lungs are thanking you
"Every day I deny myself the alcohol I want to drink" You know that too much alcohol is not good for you

So you are actually doing yourself a favor. You are not punishing yourself. Try and do other things that make you happy & are enjoyable. About eating you can eat but try and eat healthy things. You don't have to deny yourself of the things that make you happy to eat but easy does it though. You are lucky that you have a husband that loves you so concentrate on the future withn him. What was has passed so enjoy the future

 

[safeinsanity]

Why not cheat once in awhile and have a drink or a smoke? .. but be careful to do it in moderation. ?

 

[Eagleheart]

Thanks for the advice [mention]Pitszal[/mention] and [mention]safeinsanity[/mention] .
I do smoke already but I am limiting the number of cigarettes I smoke. If I could, I would smoke a lot more because I thoroughly enjoy it. I don't drink because I was an alcoholic when I was younger and I don't trust myself to drink in moderation.
As for eating, I sometimes eat a decent meal but most of the time I refuse to give in to my hunger. I enjoy feeling empty. I enjoy the hunger pangs. I don't know why. It makes me feel better about myself to starve myself.

 

[Pitszal]

Are you losing weight?

 

[Naiwen]

Cheating once in awhile Is good for your morale.

 

[ZandraJoi]

Moderation is good with the right substitutes. Some people can't be okay with 'just one'. Some can.
Instead of thinking of all the stuff you can't have, think of all the stuff you CAN have. That you WILL have. You deny yourself smoking, but you will be able to breathe better. Things will taste better. Focus on the positive.