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New and feeling very lost

S

StaticVoid

Hi everyone,

I don't know what is appropriate to post where on the internet right now, but I thought I'd try here.

Someone suggested this forum a few days ago on the side by side website. I was already feeling like I was in crisis at that point... Then I had sudden news that a family member of mine was in a serious accident. Recieved the news on Friday and I don't know how to process it.

I didn't even get to say goodbye because of Covid policy - but at the same time, I knew she wouldn't survive the injuries as soon as I heard the call Friday night.

Sunday I found out that we can watch the dashcam footage if we want to. I don't know if I should when that time comes. I haven't seen her in a very long time and that would be the last moment I saw her.

I'm not use to feeling so many peaks in anger/frustration/irritation for so long. I'm pissed that so many onlookers got to see her when I couldn't - It makes me wonder if people took footage. I wasn't even allowed to video call as she "didn't consent to being recorded".

We have so much to sort out now and it's only the 4 of us. Don't know what to do with all her things, we won't have time to organise it all before the housing association throws us out. She was a hoarder so we'll have to take our time, but there isn't much time.

I don't know where to turn to for help online. It's another national lockdown now, what charities do I go to for help? Where do I give some of the things away to? I want people to be able to make use of a few items. I'm the only one comfortable to navigate the Internet. But I don't really know where to turn to. Maybe free sharing sites? But there is no guarantee that the people will pick up the items.

I haven't even begun to really explore my mental state. I feel like I'm in a constant disassociative state.
 
Hi @StaticVoid and welcome to the forum.

I am very sorry to hear about your family member, I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.
I would only look at the dashcam if you really feel like you want to, personally I couldn't watch it.

Her belongings, Have you searched Facebook groups in your area? maybe it is too soon yet but when you feel ready then possibly try there.

Again I am sorry for your loss.
 
We're glad you joined our forum family. I am so sorry you lost a loved one in such a tragic way. You mentioned not having seen her in a while, perhaps it's better to have your last memory of her be that one rather than of the accident. Just my opinion. At any rate, we're here for you.
 
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Catsmother said:
Hi @StaticVoid and welcome to the forum.

I am very sorry to hear about your family member, I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.
I would only look at the dashcam if you really feel like you want to, personally I couldn't watch it.

Her belongings, Have you searched Facebook groups in your area? maybe it is too soon yet but when you feel ready then possibly try there.

Again I am sorry for your loss.
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Thank you and thanks for the Facebook suggestion. I'm feeling a bit defeated and like I'm a hindrance tonight. I want to help my family sort things out, but it feels like they are keeping me in the dark. They seem to be looking up ways to clear things out and not telling me what thry are organising. It's really upsetting me. I've told my aunt about my frustrations and I don't think she realises how much it's bothering me. She told me that she isn't shutting me out, she just has a lot to prioritise - I just want to understand what is going on so I know how to help.


I'm 27 and the youngest in the family. Sometimes I feel like they still see me as a child who can't contribute to anything.
 
StaticVoid said:
Thank you and thanks for the Facebook suggestion. I'm feeling a bit defeated and like I'm a hindrance tonight. I want to help my family sort things out, but it feels like they are keeping me in the dark. They seem to be looking up ways to clear things out and not telling me what thry are organising. It's really upsetting me. I've told my aunt about my frustrations and I don't think she realises how much it's bothering me. She told me that she isn't shutting me out, she just has a lot to prioritise - I just want to understand what is going on so I know how to help.


I'm 27 and the youngest in the family. Sometimes I feel like they still see me as a child who can't contribute to anything.
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I think with Grief it affects people in different ways. I am sorry that your family are keeping you in the dark though. It must be hard with you wanting to help and yet they are shutting you out.
 
When we had to empty my mother's house after she died, we contacted a local charity who have a shop and they came and took away what they wanted. Of course that's not possible due to the virus. I'm so sorry that you are having to face such an upsetting event. I agree with the others that you shouldn't watch the dashcam footage. Remember your loved one in good ways.
 
@StaticVoid: I am so sorry to hear about your friend, however if you ever feel the need to talk or just to have a shoulder to cry on I will be here. I recently just lost my grandpa so I kinda get what you are gonig through. He was in well health one day and then the next we (my family) got a phone call that his health was rapidly failing.
 
Foxy said:
Perhaps they just don't understand how this is affecting you and are making a well-meaning attempt to try and spare you extra anxiety/sorrow.
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Yeah, I've had a talk with them and I think it's a mixture of them trying to protect me and an 'elder hierarchy' thing. I don't know if that makes sense? Where the elder's opinion in the family take more precedence over the younger ones.

But I know this period is gonna heighten a lot of stress in combination with the grief. It's not always easy for me to be mindful - especially as I was already going through dips in my mental health before the accident.
 
Catsmother said:
I think with Grief it affects people in different ways. I am sorry that your family are keeping you in the dark though. It must be hard with you wanting to help and yet they are shutting you out.
Click to expand...
I'm definitely noticing the different ways grief has made us all react in these past 12 days. I don't want to misdirect my anger or frustration at them, because I know they are struggling too, I just feel really isolated and lonely when I don't get taken seriously - Though, they are trying to keep me in the loop.
 
Eagleheart said:
When we had to empty my mother's house after she died, we contacted a local charity who have a shop and they came and took away what they wanted. Of course that's not possible due to the virus. I'm so sorry that you are having to face such an upsetting event. I agree with the others that you shouldn't watch the dashcam footage. Remember your loved one in good ways.
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That's true. Finding old photos has been heart-warming. However, there has been a lot of anger bubbling up that I'm used to dealing with. I guess I thought the dashcam may help make sense of some of those emotions in a way?

I guess I should put inquests and court proceedings to the back of mind for the time being - Police are still collecting evidence.
 
Azure said:
@StaticVoid: I am so sorry to hear about your friend, however if you ever feel the need to talk or just to have a shoulder to cry on I will be here. I recently just lost my grandpa so I kinda get what you are gonig through. He was in well health one day and then the next we (my family) got a phone call that his health was rapidly failing.
Click to expand...
Thank you, I may take up your offer some time in the future, though I'm mindful that you're probably going through a lot too and I don't want to bombard you with my messages. I hope you are coping as best as you can too.
 
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