Lee
Administrator
It's hard to explain....
People think health anxiety means you're making things up. I wish it was that simple.
The truth is, when you've been told there's something wrong with your heart, or you live with other health problems, it's very hard to switch your brain off. Infact, I find it impossible sometimes.
Every little twinge gets your attention.
Every skipped heartbeat makes you stop for a second.
Every ache makes you wonder if this is the one you shouldn't ignore.
It's exhausting.
Not because I'm scared all the time but because I'm tired of thinking about it.
You Start Questioning Everything
Is this normal?
Am I overreacting?
Should I call someone?
Should I just leave it?
That's the conversation going on in my head more often than I'd like to admit.
Sometimes I'm right.
Sometimes I convince myself something terrible is happening when it isn't.
The worst part is not knowing.
People Don't See It
Most people only see me when I'm out, at work or getting on with life.
They don't see the appointments.
They don't see the waiting.
They don't see me lying in bed listening to my heartbeat because something doesn't feel quite right. Feeling my pulse in my wrist when I don't think anybody is looking.
They don't see the nights where I hardly sleep.
They don't see how much energy it takes just to stop myself spiralling.
The Hardest Part
Living with health problems changes the way you think.
You stop taking your body for granted.
You become aware of things most people never even notice.
Your heart.
Your breathing.
Every ache.
Every pain.
You don't want to think about them.
But somehow you always do.
I'm Still Living
Don't get me wrong.
I'm grateful.
There are people far worse off than me.
I know that.
But it's also okay to admit that this is hard.
I'm trying to trust the doctors.
I'm trying to stop Googling symptoms.
I'm trying to believe that not every pain means bad news.
Some days I manage it.
Some days I don't.
That's life. My life.
If you've ever sat waiting for test results...
If you've ever convinced yourself the worst was about to happen...
If you've ever felt guilty for worrying because other people have it worse...
I get it.
You're not weak.
You're not attention seeking.
You're just carrying something that other people can't see. An invisible burden.
And sometimes that gets really, really heavy.
People think health anxiety means you're making things up. I wish it was that simple.
The truth is, when you've been told there's something wrong with your heart, or you live with other health problems, it's very hard to switch your brain off. Infact, I find it impossible sometimes.
Every little twinge gets your attention.
Every skipped heartbeat makes you stop for a second.
Every ache makes you wonder if this is the one you shouldn't ignore.
It's exhausting.
Not because I'm scared all the time but because I'm tired of thinking about it.
You Start Questioning Everything
Is this normal?
Am I overreacting?
Should I call someone?
Should I just leave it?
That's the conversation going on in my head more often than I'd like to admit.
Sometimes I'm right.
Sometimes I convince myself something terrible is happening when it isn't.
The worst part is not knowing.
People Don't See It
Most people only see me when I'm out, at work or getting on with life.
They don't see the appointments.
They don't see the waiting.
They don't see me lying in bed listening to my heartbeat because something doesn't feel quite right. Feeling my pulse in my wrist when I don't think anybody is looking.
They don't see the nights where I hardly sleep.
They don't see how much energy it takes just to stop myself spiralling.
The Hardest Part
Living with health problems changes the way you think.
You stop taking your body for granted.
You become aware of things most people never even notice.
Your heart.
Your breathing.
Every ache.
Every pain.
You don't want to think about them.
But somehow you always do.
I'm Still Living
Don't get me wrong.
I'm grateful.
There are people far worse off than me.
I know that.
But it's also okay to admit that this is hard.
I'm trying to trust the doctors.
I'm trying to stop Googling symptoms.
I'm trying to believe that not every pain means bad news.
Some days I manage it.
Some days I don't.
That's life. My life.
If you've ever sat waiting for test results...
If you've ever convinced yourself the worst was about to happen...
If you've ever felt guilty for worrying because other people have it worse...
I get it.
You're not weak.
You're not attention seeking.
You're just carrying something that other people can't see. An invisible burden.
And sometimes that gets really, really heavy.
