Trigger - Self Harm My pain

[willowtigger]

Please try believe us that you are amazing, Welf :

 

[Welf]

I am closing myself off. If this means I can not talk to any woman I do need to close myself off completely. I dont know what to do

 

[PGen98]

Thanks everyone. I am still at a loss about what to do. I feel terrible still and I had to get stitches for my arm.
I am ok now I think with the SH but still so many bad thoughts there as well.

I am so convinced of the thoughts I have that its hard to see any other way....

I'm sorry you had to get stitches for your arm, I hope you are doing better at this point! As willowtigger said, we all hope that eventually you will see what we all see, that you are a great person and you're both kind and caring and that is a fantastic attribute in anyone!

 

[willowtigger]

I am closing myself off. If this means I can not talk to any woman I do need to close myself off completely. I dont know what to do

keep talking to us here, Welf :

 

[Welf]

I don't know what good that will do. If I am to scared of my feelings and to worried what will happen all the time. I am finding it so hard to keep going.

 

[willowtigger]

Everyone here sees that Welf is the amazingest Welf on the whole of the internets :

 

[Welf]

Thanks @willowtigger , but I am trying to find out if that can help me. It feels like nothing can at the moment

Spoiler: Triggers

and thoughts of ending it are intense.

 

[PGen98]

Just keep in mind that we see what a great person you are, and that we care for you and want you to be here with us. Even if you can't see if yet, we see what a good person you are!

 

[Welf]

Today I had 3 therapy sessions. The first was with my main therapist. She is real good but I am a bit scared of her. She can give certain looks that send my anxiety sky high. I know she is on my side but it feels like she is against me. Its me projecting I guess.

Then I had music therapy and in both of the sessions I spoke about me falling in love so soon with women. Both never said its a problem. But it was something to look into. And when I mentioned at music therapy that I felt like a creep and stalker she went against me and told me I was not a creep. Nor a stalker. Since I sooner run away then be a stalker. And there is no creep in telling someone you care for them or have romantic feelings. A creep would be more along the line of making inapproriate comments or sexual deviant comments. But thats something I dont even think of. I mean I am a sexual being. But when I have feelings of affection and warm feelings.
It is about cuddles and sharing time and space together. Kissing and being romantic.

The third session was social therapy where we did more practical issues since I have to deal with work. The work doctor and stuff about hours etc.

But when I got home I took a nap but my eating disorder took over twice and now I am I'm bed feeling lonely and sick.

 

[PGen98]

That's great that you're getting it out there with your therapists, that is the best possible place to get it all out. Your music therapist is absolutely right, you are not a creep or a pervert, you're a kind and caring person! It's important you always remember that.

 

[willowtigger]

Welf could never be a creep :