You may watch television concerning drug addicts, alcoholics, hoarders and weight loss. All of these conditions have been linked to addiction. Reality TV has taken off with these conditions promoting and capitalizing on intervention type strategies. If you watch the show until the very end you will see that the person failed and reverted back to the lifestyle that landed them on the show to start with. We have all heard the new buzz words like "rock bottom" and "tough love". The family members gather to share their heart break and fears for the addict's life style. They give ultimatums like: This is it! You're on your own! Or You can't come back until! We all get emotional when we see the addict, sandwiched between loved ones, seemingly break down and succumb to the help offered. They say they want help. They know they need it. They look like they want help. So why do interventions fail?
Ambivalence. That's why it doesn't work. According to the Merriam- Webster Dictionary, ambivalence means: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward an object, person, or action. So you have an addict sandwiched between his loved ones and the addiction. Outside pressure has proven ineffective, if not detrimental, to a person in need of change. Think of it like an addict. The internal dialogue might sound something like this: I know I shouldn't eat this. (Anxiety) If I eat just a little I will be okay. (Comfort and Avoidance of issue) Why did I binge! I am so damn weak! (Regret) That addict felt immediate self-gratification when he binged for an instant removing him from the perceived danger of his issue. He was free of the anxiety if only for a moment.
Now let's add outside pressure to the mix. Shaming, demands, ultimatums, fears! You're only adding fuel to that anxiety which causes the person to seek comfort. That comfort can be food, drugs, objects or alcohol. When you think as an outsider that you are only trying to help, you are adding fuel to the anxiety fire which leads to the need for more comfort. Then regret sets in and now you have an overwhelmed addict. Remember these grooves of delineation did not occur over night. These grooves form as language develops, starting in very young children. These delineations are formed by culture, mores, spiritual, and personal beliefs. That map has been set deeply. That ambivalence runs deep. Don't you think for one minute that addict doesn't struggle with the conflicting feelings about his addiction! He knows the risks greatly outweigh the momentary benefits. There's an internal battle happening every minute EXCEPT when he is engaging in the undesired behavior.
I do believe in tough love. As a parent, I understand why a parent will no longer provide for, and/ or sponsor the undesired and dangerous behaviors. I get that! But as a recovering addict I know what outside pressure does.
Okay so what do we do? Before you can do anything, the addict must freely buy in. (That doesn't mean you have to support the undesirable behavior. Let them fail. Let them be homeless. Let them hit the bottom.)
Let there be a choice "not to choose" fully understanding that there are the conditions.
Oftentimes "not choosing" relieves the pressure to act, and gives the addict better clarity. If you, as the outsider stay strong and consistent in your decision, and let the addict take the lead, you will often see greater success. Then, and only then, will the addict clearly take a step in the right direction, be it rehabilitation, therapy, or life coaching after recovery. As the outsider, take a step back. Be a cheerleader, sometimes a quiet one. A cheerleader that understands there will be falls, maybe a lot, maybe a few. A cheerleader that hands the reins of life to the addict to make his own choices that come with natural conditions, rewards, and consequences.
Only when the addict truly feels the negative consequences of his addiction, will a choice will be made. Sometimes it's the choice to seek out a better life, and sometimes it's not.
It clearly lies in the hands of the beholder.
Learn through choices or no choices that the addict must be in charge in order for change to occur. Ultimatums, fear, and shaming do not work. They only add fuel to the anxiety fire.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Gaylee_T_Mendenhall/2141677
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9114899
Ambivalence. That's why it doesn't work. According to the Merriam- Webster Dictionary, ambivalence means: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings toward an object, person, or action. So you have an addict sandwiched between his loved ones and the addiction. Outside pressure has proven ineffective, if not detrimental, to a person in need of change. Think of it like an addict. The internal dialogue might sound something like this: I know I shouldn't eat this. (Anxiety) If I eat just a little I will be okay. (Comfort and Avoidance of issue) Why did I binge! I am so damn weak! (Regret) That addict felt immediate self-gratification when he binged for an instant removing him from the perceived danger of his issue. He was free of the anxiety if only for a moment.
Now let's add outside pressure to the mix. Shaming, demands, ultimatums, fears! You're only adding fuel to that anxiety which causes the person to seek comfort. That comfort can be food, drugs, objects or alcohol. When you think as an outsider that you are only trying to help, you are adding fuel to the anxiety fire which leads to the need for more comfort. Then regret sets in and now you have an overwhelmed addict. Remember these grooves of delineation did not occur over night. These grooves form as language develops, starting in very young children. These delineations are formed by culture, mores, spiritual, and personal beliefs. That map has been set deeply. That ambivalence runs deep. Don't you think for one minute that addict doesn't struggle with the conflicting feelings about his addiction! He knows the risks greatly outweigh the momentary benefits. There's an internal battle happening every minute EXCEPT when he is engaging in the undesired behavior.
I do believe in tough love. As a parent, I understand why a parent will no longer provide for, and/ or sponsor the undesired and dangerous behaviors. I get that! But as a recovering addict I know what outside pressure does.
Okay so what do we do? Before you can do anything, the addict must freely buy in. (That doesn't mean you have to support the undesirable behavior. Let them fail. Let them be homeless. Let them hit the bottom.)
Let there be a choice "not to choose" fully understanding that there are the conditions.
Oftentimes "not choosing" relieves the pressure to act, and gives the addict better clarity. If you, as the outsider stay strong and consistent in your decision, and let the addict take the lead, you will often see greater success. Then, and only then, will the addict clearly take a step in the right direction, be it rehabilitation, therapy, or life coaching after recovery. As the outsider, take a step back. Be a cheerleader, sometimes a quiet one. A cheerleader that understands there will be falls, maybe a lot, maybe a few. A cheerleader that hands the reins of life to the addict to make his own choices that come with natural conditions, rewards, and consequences.
Only when the addict truly feels the negative consequences of his addiction, will a choice will be made. Sometimes it's the choice to seek out a better life, and sometimes it's not.
It clearly lies in the hands of the beholder.
Learn through choices or no choices that the addict must be in charge in order for change to occur. Ultimatums, fear, and shaming do not work. They only add fuel to the anxiety fire.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Gaylee_T_Mendenhall/2141677
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9114899
